They blame my son for the relationship with his father. The only mistake she has ever made in her life was marrying her X. I try to be nice and include her in things. Guess what when each and everyone of us decied to have children it stopped being about us and became about them. My family like yours just couldnt see what the problem was but it IS toxic and it is dysfunctional. What's going on? You will also actually find that we do let go we let go of the toxic people themselves and this only usually happens after years of trying to be reasonable and make things right tone er even be met half way. I set boundaries and have a solid relatonship. But hours later the police were called. I have No family loyalty to me, even worse my daughter. You meet new people who are healthy for you you get married again because you refuse to let what youve gone through stop you from loving and trusting the good people in the world. Speak up. My ex has our kids every other weekend. It takes two to make a relationship work and I hate this stereotype of if someone left they deserve poor treatment and the person who stayed is the victim. Your sister lived the reality. What happened to family loyalty? Until it happens to individuals personally they will never understand the magnitude of pain a person lives with. How can anyone give you an honest response without knowing why you divorced? I was married for 12 years, I had two children before him we had two kids together. Just because a family member gets divorced doesnt mean the other family member has to divorce the other party. My parents divorced when I was a child. Shes made our life hell for many years. Their ex may even become a new friend! 2 years ago we had a break, she moved many states away. My family chose me. I asked why she lied and she simply said she didnt want to hurt my feelings. Why does the family like her much but their relationship didn't work out? Not much you can do about it really, it will probably cause a rift, and like me have very little to do with them any more. Its tough because you cant make them not stop seeing each other. Your family should either choose you or cut them off. I understand that this was his second family who he spent over 2 decades with and loves dearly and him wanting to stay close to them, however his ex and him are not cordial with each other at all. My brother and his two children have been abandoned because my brother supported me. Your happiness is more important than your family and your children? Just because they are your family, doesnt mean they have to agree with you. You are responsible for your own happiness, not him nor your family. He is enjoying creating these problems for you. So there was an ulterior motive. Im different in that if I have a problem I would rather be up front and discuss it so we can move on. My children are in therapy due to the relationship. You could talk to your family about how you feel when your ex is there or keep a distance." Thats not such a big deal and nothing to worry about. my cousin went through similar divorce to me. Nobody tells you when youre super young that your feelings may change, and that its okay. Hi there iam going through the exact situation and I dont know what to do my ex has my daughter and she has also contacted my whole family on our current situation and now none of my family which were my form of support has all turned there backs on me they wont even let me explain my side of the situation and what took place on have a couple of siblings that have contacted me about what she want them to say to me that she had talk with c.a.s and I have not once contacted her family what so ever. Him and my sister in law last year a year after we divorced started hanging out with my ex! It was just more of co-inhabiting together in our house and paying bills. In many situations there arent even kids involved! This lady is self questioning and doubting herself and seems certainly open to healing and growth whereas I get the impression the others are probably narcissistic for their actions speak volumes. My Mother never said a word to me..HER Daughter. I cut all ties with my mom, my ex and the girl he is with (he is 61 and she is 29) but I still try and be civil to our daughter. The hurt is so great and their lack of support has been devastating. Stop blaming others for your choices. I remember when my older sisters stopped seeing boyfriends that Id got to know really well and not being able to believe Id have to say goodbye to them forever. I dont like who I am or how I feel around him. Youre not unreasonable at all, but you cant change them only yourself. I was very grateful for that. I am a better person now and have grown so much. Well, this could happen occasionally, by mistake. I empathize. When Will Spousal Support Be a Factor in a Divorce Case? By SuziePal Updated: July 30, 2021Categories: Children's and Parenting Issues after Divorce, Coping with Divorce, Inspirational Stories and Advice. Where your friends and sisters getting married and moving on up and you got pressured to do the same? What a loser! More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan's advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems, Don't miss resident agony aunt Coleen Nolan's weekly newsletter. Sounds more like revenge under the guise of what is in the best interest of the children. I split with my ex wife 7 years ago before my daughter was 2. I planned on going to my sisters house for Thanksgiving dinner as I had always done before. On the other hand, each situation is different. I stay away from them Then have the nerve to say it is better this way for them. Viewer Question that deal's with a boyfriend that is still close with 2 of his ex's. Is this a red flag?If you would like me to break down your story in a y. To be honest it sounds sort of weird that he is that close to them and sounds like hes got some issues. Agreed. He systematically does all the right things 4. They are grown now and we have, for the most part put that behind us. You are literally piling judgement and shame on people who have already lost a husband (yes we grieve even though we decided to leave) and pretty much their whole family. My ex has everything I need but even my mom has said its my fault and how great of a person she is. You stay strong and take the high road. Hes on full disability for being a veteran with PTSD. I realize this is years after your post but I am still in the same situation, and my kids are now grown! I wanted to keep everything private, and instead he told all of my friends and family what a horrible person I was. Ive been dating Tom for 1 year and our relationship is perfect, but it bothers me a little how close Nina is to his family. I get to hear about all the things my ex does with my family instead. Hes a very nice person so I understand that they still cared for him but there are unfortunately times you have to end up choosing a side. He said he put stuff away and come to bed. Just found this as I was doing my own research. But I feel this is wrong and shes doing it all on purpose to be hateful to me. Like I didnt choose the life of divorce. My ex is still around, and is getting remarried soon, so his fianc is also around, its so bizarre and ridiculous and I can only feel sorry for his new wife to be..who in their right mind wants to be hanging out with your husbands exs family? Have you thought of hosting your own get together? PERIOD! I split with my abusive ex and my Dad, stepmum and siblings sided with my ex and wouldnt uninvite him to a family wedding even though I had just fled my home! It sucks to share. Apparently his ex had family issues so she clung to his. And yes you do expect your family of origin to stand by your side and cut ties with an ex if that is what is best for your emotional health. My ex has even friended a couple of guys I dated after we divorced and hangs out with them. Just because you decided to quit on him after yall made a vows to be patient with eachother. My brother was furious theyd made some kind of back handed gesture that blamed him. You cant expect them to throw away a good person. Neither your family nor your kids will be there for you in 20 years time. Your very angry and rude reply suggests you have some issues of your own. These kind of people seem to have an inability for any kind of self reflection, empathy or change. I am going through the same thing with my family & soon to be ex-husband and its just so painful because your family doesnt see or refuse to understand that its an actual disorder. ", Which I think I great and very nice of him. You are no being unreasonable. I guess I should laughthe two of them can have each other. Of course my heart was ripped out and I have voiced my feelings about the whole situation to only be ignored. My husband and he were very good friends. poor communication and not meeting my needs, for starters. Im sorry youre dealing with this Kyle. I give you so much credit for thinking of your kids first. Thanks Joanna you nailed it, that about no middle ground, and that you must suck it up. Your mother sounds awful. But I have resigned myself to the fact I will never win a golf game with Tiger Woods and I will never win a manipulation game with my ex. One night we had some drinks . Shes smart, everyone else is dumb. She is a family lawyer on top of that!! Problem solved. About 1wk he later, I was visiting my grandparents and his Truck is parked next door at my Mothers rental house and hes living there and coming to my 90yr old grandparents to eat dinner everyday. I cant say anything because its about their Dad, and I cant talk about him in reference to anything he did to me or then back then. This is a comforting forum for anyone who has experienced their own family supporting their ex during a divorce. Im sorry for what ypu are going through, I also went through a divorce but I took the approach that I wouldnt expect my family nor my kids to take sides. You control your response to someone. He invites them over for barbecues. I dont visit them when he is around. That way, the burden is on THEM to ask about your feelings and if they choose to ignore it, then you will know that they KNOW its wrong but ignoring it. Sounds like you are the one with the issues. The fact that your kids still get to spend time with both parents, sometimes on a holiday together, is good for them. I know it may be hard but your children will appreciate it later in life. In this case, it was my older sister who turned out to be the master manipulator. My kids are grown. I hurt daily alone with no sisters mom dad or family period but Im a mom now no longer a little girl. They even reached out to him after we announced our divorce to see how he was doing and wouldnt even let me talk about things because they didnt want me to bad mouth him and preferred to stay neutral. But theres nothing neutral about what they have done. People tell themselves anything to rationalize crazy behavior. I need the public opinion what should I do now? I actually has concluded that we are done from this marriage, but I took a second thought when I got home, I REALIZED THAT IF i SHOULD LEAVE, THEN MY HUSBAND WOULD NOT HESITATE TO GET MARRIED BACK TO HIS EX WIFE. I think every situation is different. It is 3 years since I cut contact and part of me still loves my siblings for the children they were and the people I thought they were but the bigger part of me has to face reality and accept that they are toxic. He does it in front of the kids and friends. And when he goes to events, you are uncomfortable enough not to attend. And family is so important, too important to toss away lightly. Now me and my ex are still cordial about stuff and even though i dont agree with his life style doesnt mean we cant both agree that the bigger picture is our kids. Many people hide their true identity and only Husband and Wives know what that truth is. I would recommend some counseling to talk through your feelings about your ex, so you can forgive and move on. They even fed him information and made the situation worse they actually put me in physical danger. A college graduation invitation was not mailed to me it was handed to me by my mother. Instead of passively participating in it. why do you get so grouchy at him. I hope that survivors of demons such as yourself read this and allow me to break that same box you put people in (probably people closest to you) open with my bare hands. You can read all about it here if you dont believe me. Now we are divorced because he was unfaithful and left me for the other woman. Thank you for your support. Its incredibly painful. Yet his mom still chose her. I tried to work on us. I dont really know his family and its not hard for me to keep it that way.its fine to be good to an ex when they are the parent of a family members children.Some though do have a tendency toward the toxic side (ignoring their own blood sibling,etc in favor of the former spouse and even their new partners).its long standing situation in my husbands family.Long standing enough it wont change.its just the way it is. A break-up is very similar to the mourning process: someone loses a loved one or a lover. If you're still hanging out with their family because you genuinely want to, and not for any other reason, then you might be able to make a friendship with their family work. I was absolutely heartbroken and also full of anger. The lingering presence of the said ex in their life can be the first clear indicator you need to watch out for. I hope you held your head high and went on your own path without any of them It looks as though I am already being alienated from my niece and nephew and blamed for causing emotional stress for them and feel manipulated into returning to toe the line. Your trying to control a group of adults and punishing your children for your choice to divorce their dad. My ex bashed me from one side to the other. Any interest in further PM? Not cool. She is married and has two children, neither are his. Follow her on Twitter. Ask your self why this is happenedIm sure you will found the answer.. Once again, I put myself out there to my sisters hoping they would see him for what he truly is. There is such a list of things he had and hadnt done. Your family needs to set boundaries. I told him to explain and he wouldnt. Fill in this form and you'll get instant access: Tim Veninga is a dating coach, relationship coach and bestseller author. The reality is there is an ex though and I do have mixed feelings. So, considering how your partner talks to their other friends is a good indication of how they feel toward their ex. IA. I pray that all goes well. In todays age people throw around abuse and narcissist like it going out of style. The family member just needs to not discuss the ex or put it in your face. Finding a way to be co-parents with someone you dont like might be tough for you but it sounds like you love your children, so it should definitely be worth trying to foster. He wanted me to pack my clothes and leave. My son is grown and although he loves my x very much he does not care to have a relationship with my sisters. That is stating look at me Im a victim. You may have had a wonderful friendship with your ex's siblings or parents, but that doesn't mean you'll instantly recover from a breakup. What Went Wrong? If no help was given to your son or you when you had a stroke then why on earth should you shame yourself into feeling you need to take care of them? A person can be a bad spouse but still be a good person, so consider that.
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